Since I have been one of those " fortunate" people to have had a life event (see my Anniversary post), I tend to view my life into two segments; pre-GBS, and post GBS (GBS is short Guiallain-Barre' Syndrome).
As an elder in a mainstream denominational church I used to belong to, I gave a sermon on Romans 12:1 and 2. That was pre-GBS, and my message was basically a challenge to go against the flow of the world. Little did I know how that would impact the rest of my life, and how that would set the wheels in motion for some real change.
After a lengthy recovery period (18 months), I tried to return to my middle management position in manufacturing, post GBS. After 5 months of part-time work, it became evident that my body would not respond to that type of employment again. Between the Doctor, management, and myself, we mutually agreed it was time to part ways. At some time in the future, I will discuss this further....it's not as hunky dory as it sounds. I nonetheless have a huge disdain towards corporate America.
It was during this time that I was introduced to a new word, new to me at least: Paradigm. The Revised Redmer Rendition of paradigm is "the way we view and think how things work". Our management at the time was using it as the coin phrase to try and improve our production and quality systems which already were above industry standards. "Paradigm shift, paradigm shift" was the corporate american war chant.
I left that world forever in March of 1999. On an early morning a day or two after that, I sat at my desk in our house. I was having some quiet time, kind of fretting, kind of meditating having a God and me struggle. I turned and looked at the morning starting to come alive outside. I realized I was literally in God's hands. My source of income was cut by about 30%, and was dependant on the combination of a private disability policy, and social insecurity, as Dave Ramsey calls it.
I looked out over the 5 to 6 acre field to the east that is ours, and was looking at the stand of hardwoods buttressed by a small cedar swamp. In a sort of dejected, sarcastic way I uttered " OK, God, what am I supposed to do now?" Almost instantly, the spring sun broke brilliantly over the trees, and a paradigm shifted. A very audible voice in my head said, "Everything you need is right here".
I sat trying to comprehend what this could mean, and began surveying the surroundings. To the immediate south sat a big barn that I used for storage, and a little to the west of the barn was a good sized chicken coop that was filled with junk from the previous owners of our home. We had 15 acres of land, 10 of which is tillable, 5 acres of hardwood and swamp, with a creek running along the east end the property.
We had just become acquainted with a family at our children's charter school who were farming a small tract of land organically. Three years ealier...pre-GBS...I would have been the first to name them kooky. Now, post GBS, they are our friends and mentors.
As I discussed all of what had happened with my wife that morning, and told her I thought we were supposed to start farming, I was amazed at the peace that seemed to fall over her, and see genuine excitement that was overcoming her. Neither of us had ever dreamed of farming, and here we were within a matter of a couple of hours, walking our land, and discussing our new future.
I will try not to over burden readers with the use of the word paradigm, but I have had several shifts in my beliefs over the last few years which I will elaborate on in the future. The main one to mention for now is about farming.
I used to think, pre GBS, of farming as tractors, large holstein milking herds, farms smelling like manure with flys everywhere. I equated it with large fields of corn and wheat, pork bellies, and commodity trading. I believed that it was only for the generational farmer with hundreds if not thousand of acres of land. I believed that pesticides, herbicides and what ever other ides were needed to grow things.
I now believe what we have done, pardon the expression, is screwed with God's design. As Americans, we have taken for granted our food supply, and excepted that if it's in the grocery store, it's safe and it's good for you. Having suffered an auto-immune virus, it's caused me to take stock of what we're doing. Our food is devoid of the minerals, vitamins, ezymes, and other nutrients that are needed for a healthy life style. How can they have these things when we are poisoning off all organic matter in our soil that promote healthy plant growth. (there is another essay on this, too long for now)
I believe what real farming is, post GBS, is using the resources that God has already made available. Minerals that are mined from the earth, fertilizer that comes from animals and compost. Pest control through the use of beneficial insects and a 20 gauge shotgun or a .22 caliber rifle or bigger, depending on the pest. Ok, so maybe the last one didn't necessarily come from God, maybe someday I'll hone my spearing techniques! The point is, real soil equals real plants which equals real food. And when animals eat the real plants from the real soil, they grow real meat. Plus growing things this way is "going against the patterns of this world". (Rom. 12:1)
I'd like to report that everything has gone smooth as silk since that time. Unfortunately, as a human being, I tend to get in God's way. I've taken several forays in different directions, but every time we come right back to the farm. This is it, this is what we are committed to. It is our retirement, there are no other options. We drive bus for the head start program during the school year to help supplement my social insecurity, and the farm is pretty much paying for itself during the summer. But we are yearning for that time when we can just head out everyday to fulfill the vision...Post GBS :).
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Anniversaries
We celebrate many important dates in our culture...historic, religious, and personal. Today is a different type of anniversary for me. Today signifies my "life event" as they call it. Today is the the celebration of the day that the Lord in essence said, "be still, and know that I am God".
In my last post, I eluded to the fact that my venture into blogging started 11 years ago, culminating into getting started 3 months ago while surfing for a chikin' butcherin' page. So here is a brief explanation.
11 years ago today (the date was actually June 27th, but it was a Saturday) I had to be up extra early as we were "polling" inventory in the manufacturing facility I worked at. As the production control manager, it was my duty to assign teams areas to inventory, how to inventory, and audit counts. I had not been feeling well all week, and was having alot of back pain. At about 5:00 am the first cup of coffee had done it's duty and it was time to evacuate my bowels (sorry, modesty became a thing of the past during my ordeal). As I was proceeding to the lavatory, I noticed that there was tingling in the balls of me feet, and my tongue and fingers were tingling as well. "Things happened", but there was no sensation there. I knew there was something not right going on.
I called my warehouse manager, and asked if he could fill in for me, that I wasn't feeling real well, and that I would be back as soon as I could. I went directly to the ER...I didn't feel that this was an emergency, but what would be open at 5:00 am. Plus I figured that it would be three to four hours before I would be able to audit, and I'd be back in time to resume these functions.
Fortunately the ER was not busy that day, and the doctor on call quickly checked all of my symptoms. His quick assessment indicated nothing real serious other than probably some sort of virus. He told me of his findings, and told me before I left he wanted a Neurologist to take a quick look at me. I took this as "as long as you're here, let's rack of a little more money from the insurance company, and keep this guy here longer than he wants to be to discourage him from using the emergency room again unless it's an EMERGENCY". I say this because I heard him in the hallway outside say to one of the nurses "I don't no why this guy is here, there's really nothing wrong with him. Why can't people understand that we're not a doctors office".
Dr. Sinke came in and performed her neurological tests. She seemed a little more concerned, and was pretty thorough. Her assessment was about the same as the first doctor, but she did say that there was an illness that some times presented itself as a minor complication like mine, or could be much more serious. She stressed she wasn't overly concerned, but to be on the safe side that I should go straight home and get bed rest for the rest of the day. I objected that I needed to get back to the shop, and she quite sternly indicated that if this illness fully manifested itself, if that is what it was, could put me into paralysis. That got my attention. I went straight home, with the promise to her that I would be back at 11:00 am Sunday for another evaluation, just to be cautious.
The rest of the day I just laid around as instructed, watched some TV, did some light reading, became extremely bored. I did feel a little weaker when I woke up Sunday morning, but assumed it was from laying around on Saturday.
I arrived for my evaluation as requested, and Dr. Sinke started doing her battery of testing. One of the things she had me do was walk on the balls of my feet. I had a real difficult time even getting on the balls of my feet, but then trying to walk on them, I was all over the place, like I was drunk. I also noticed that my hamstrings were extremely tight and painful and so was my lower back. She seemed a little more concerned by now, and ordered for a battery of test; CT scan, MRI, regular Xrays, and my favorite, a spinal tap. As it got later into the day, she finally came in and said that all the tests were inconclusive. However since my physical condition had deteriorated somewhat from Saturday, she wanted to keep me in the hospital overnight for observation. She again assured Terrie and I that this could just be a mild form of this illness, and if it was, I'd probably be fine within a couple of weeks.
My condition continued to deteriorate on Monday, I believe I had to walk with a walker on Tuesday, and I think it is was on Wednesday that my legs just totally gave out and I collapsed. By Wednesday night I was moved to ICU and stayed there for 5 days. My overnight "observation" period became a 2 1/2 month stay between the hospital and a physical therapy ward in a hospital 60 miles from home. This minor illness had exacerbated itself, and I was diagnosed with Guillain-Barre' Syndrome. The original doctor in ER on Saturday morning was right. It was some sort of a virus, and was it a doosy! I would become paralyzed from the neck down, could barely swallow or talk, and would be wheelchair bound for close to a year.
So today I once again celebrate the anniversary. This is a private anniversary between me and my God. This is the day for me, when it seemed like life was ending, it was actually beginning. I have learned and grown so much form this experience. While I would never want to go through this thing again, I would never ever trade it for anything.
Most importantly, this is an Ode to my wife. I will never ever forget what she has done for me. How she has remained faithful to her vows, how she has demonstrated her love to me. As much as my life changed, so did hers, and she didn't miss a beat. She is a Proverbs 31 woman. So today, as her husband, I follow the words of Proverbs 31:28-29 " Her children arise and call her blessed, her husband also, and he praises her: Many woman do noble things, but you surpass them all!"
Happy Anniversary, Terrie
In my last post, I eluded to the fact that my venture into blogging started 11 years ago, culminating into getting started 3 months ago while surfing for a chikin' butcherin' page. So here is a brief explanation.
11 years ago today (the date was actually June 27th, but it was a Saturday) I had to be up extra early as we were "polling" inventory in the manufacturing facility I worked at. As the production control manager, it was my duty to assign teams areas to inventory, how to inventory, and audit counts. I had not been feeling well all week, and was having alot of back pain. At about 5:00 am the first cup of coffee had done it's duty and it was time to evacuate my bowels (sorry, modesty became a thing of the past during my ordeal). As I was proceeding to the lavatory, I noticed that there was tingling in the balls of me feet, and my tongue and fingers were tingling as well. "Things happened", but there was no sensation there. I knew there was something not right going on.
I called my warehouse manager, and asked if he could fill in for me, that I wasn't feeling real well, and that I would be back as soon as I could. I went directly to the ER...I didn't feel that this was an emergency, but what would be open at 5:00 am. Plus I figured that it would be three to four hours before I would be able to audit, and I'd be back in time to resume these functions.
Fortunately the ER was not busy that day, and the doctor on call quickly checked all of my symptoms. His quick assessment indicated nothing real serious other than probably some sort of virus. He told me of his findings, and told me before I left he wanted a Neurologist to take a quick look at me. I took this as "as long as you're here, let's rack of a little more money from the insurance company, and keep this guy here longer than he wants to be to discourage him from using the emergency room again unless it's an EMERGENCY". I say this because I heard him in the hallway outside say to one of the nurses "I don't no why this guy is here, there's really nothing wrong with him. Why can't people understand that we're not a doctors office".
Dr. Sinke came in and performed her neurological tests. She seemed a little more concerned, and was pretty thorough. Her assessment was about the same as the first doctor, but she did say that there was an illness that some times presented itself as a minor complication like mine, or could be much more serious. She stressed she wasn't overly concerned, but to be on the safe side that I should go straight home and get bed rest for the rest of the day. I objected that I needed to get back to the shop, and she quite sternly indicated that if this illness fully manifested itself, if that is what it was, could put me into paralysis. That got my attention. I went straight home, with the promise to her that I would be back at 11:00 am Sunday for another evaluation, just to be cautious.
The rest of the day I just laid around as instructed, watched some TV, did some light reading, became extremely bored. I did feel a little weaker when I woke up Sunday morning, but assumed it was from laying around on Saturday.
I arrived for my evaluation as requested, and Dr. Sinke started doing her battery of testing. One of the things she had me do was walk on the balls of my feet. I had a real difficult time even getting on the balls of my feet, but then trying to walk on them, I was all over the place, like I was drunk. I also noticed that my hamstrings were extremely tight and painful and so was my lower back. She seemed a little more concerned by now, and ordered for a battery of test; CT scan, MRI, regular Xrays, and my favorite, a spinal tap. As it got later into the day, she finally came in and said that all the tests were inconclusive. However since my physical condition had deteriorated somewhat from Saturday, she wanted to keep me in the hospital overnight for observation. She again assured Terrie and I that this could just be a mild form of this illness, and if it was, I'd probably be fine within a couple of weeks.
My condition continued to deteriorate on Monday, I believe I had to walk with a walker on Tuesday, and I think it is was on Wednesday that my legs just totally gave out and I collapsed. By Wednesday night I was moved to ICU and stayed there for 5 days. My overnight "observation" period became a 2 1/2 month stay between the hospital and a physical therapy ward in a hospital 60 miles from home. This minor illness had exacerbated itself, and I was diagnosed with Guillain-Barre' Syndrome. The original doctor in ER on Saturday morning was right. It was some sort of a virus, and was it a doosy! I would become paralyzed from the neck down, could barely swallow or talk, and would be wheelchair bound for close to a year.
So today I once again celebrate the anniversary. This is a private anniversary between me and my God. This is the day for me, when it seemed like life was ending, it was actually beginning. I have learned and grown so much form this experience. While I would never want to go through this thing again, I would never ever trade it for anything.
Most importantly, this is an Ode to my wife. I will never ever forget what she has done for me. How she has remained faithful to her vows, how she has demonstrated her love to me. As much as my life changed, so did hers, and she didn't miss a beat. She is a Proverbs 31 woman. So today, as her husband, I follow the words of Proverbs 31:28-29 " Her children arise and call her blessed, her husband also, and he praises her: Many woman do noble things, but you surpass them all!"
Happy Anniversary, Terrie
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Moving into the Blog World
Aside from my faith in my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, the greatest blessings in my life are my wife and my three children. Without these four elements in my life, I would be nothing. I have been searching for a vehicle to portray just how much they mean to me. I am not much of a conversationalist, especially in the evening! To say what I am really thinking or feeling seems to always get skewed, misinterpreted, or something key gets left out. So I have turned to the world of blogging.
My family knows that I am a Zig Ziglar fan. I am not a stick your head in the sand, and everything will be alright type of person. I love my extended family dearly, but if there is a flaw, it is the fact that they always seem to be waiting for the "shoe to drop". On both my mother and my fathers side, in spite of being raised in the Christian faith, there is a thread of gloom and doom that seems to weave into most conversations. I guess we could say we are a glass is half empty type. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying we aren't loving and caring, or that we are all loony, we just have a flair for turning most everything into a melodrama.
That's where Ziggy comes in. A friend that I worked with gave me a set of his tapes about ten years ago, and I have listened to them several times over. It has challenged me to try to see life as it should be seen by a believer in Christ.
There will always be conflicts, trials, and tribulations and this family has certainly seen its share. Nowhere in the bible does it say that these things will ever cease in this life. By accepting Christ we do not get a free pass from these things. A favorite quote of mine is from Lou Holtz : " Life is 10 % of what happens to you, 90% of what you do with it." Hence the Christian life. Christ is that fulcrum that allows us to endure all of the troubles we will face here. I am not saying that I have arrived, just ask my wife! But I do try to stay on the positive side of things, and "keep my eyes fixed on Jesus" (Heb. 12:2).
Any how, I did not know by mentioning Zig Ziglar that I was going to go on the tangent that I just did. Remember what I said earlier that I was not a conversationalist? I have seen the bewildered look it peoples eyes hundreds of times when I've talked them..."say what"! So let's get back to the reason he was mentioned.
Zig says that he believes everyone should write a book. Not necessarily to get published, but as a way of telling their story to those closest to them, to help them understand the inner workings of our minds. That is what this blog will be about, the illuminations of my thoughts and my life. This is dedicated first and foremost to Terrie, Rebekah, Lisa, and Stephen. You are who I am. I don't care if another person on the face of the earth reads these posts, but for the four of you, I pray that it will give y'all a better understanding of your husband and your daddy.
Finally, I want to publicly talk about and praise our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ for having chosen me and my family to be his own, and how God our Father through the Holy Spirit leads us down mysterious paths to do his will. Would you believe that this venture into blogging started ultimately 11 years ago, and was birthed 3 months ago while searching for a slick way to butcher chickens on the Internet....
There's that bewildered look I was talking about!!! More in the future.....
My family knows that I am a Zig Ziglar fan. I am not a stick your head in the sand, and everything will be alright type of person. I love my extended family dearly, but if there is a flaw, it is the fact that they always seem to be waiting for the "shoe to drop". On both my mother and my fathers side, in spite of being raised in the Christian faith, there is a thread of gloom and doom that seems to weave into most conversations. I guess we could say we are a glass is half empty type. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying we aren't loving and caring, or that we are all loony, we just have a flair for turning most everything into a melodrama.
That's where Ziggy comes in. A friend that I worked with gave me a set of his tapes about ten years ago, and I have listened to them several times over. It has challenged me to try to see life as it should be seen by a believer in Christ.
There will always be conflicts, trials, and tribulations and this family has certainly seen its share. Nowhere in the bible does it say that these things will ever cease in this life. By accepting Christ we do not get a free pass from these things. A favorite quote of mine is from Lou Holtz : " Life is 10 % of what happens to you, 90% of what you do with it." Hence the Christian life. Christ is that fulcrum that allows us to endure all of the troubles we will face here. I am not saying that I have arrived, just ask my wife! But I do try to stay on the positive side of things, and "keep my eyes fixed on Jesus" (Heb. 12:2).
Any how, I did not know by mentioning Zig Ziglar that I was going to go on the tangent that I just did. Remember what I said earlier that I was not a conversationalist? I have seen the bewildered look it peoples eyes hundreds of times when I've talked them..."say what"! So let's get back to the reason he was mentioned.
Zig says that he believes everyone should write a book. Not necessarily to get published, but as a way of telling their story to those closest to them, to help them understand the inner workings of our minds. That is what this blog will be about, the illuminations of my thoughts and my life. This is dedicated first and foremost to Terrie, Rebekah, Lisa, and Stephen. You are who I am. I don't care if another person on the face of the earth reads these posts, but for the four of you, I pray that it will give y'all a better understanding of your husband and your daddy.
Finally, I want to publicly talk about and praise our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ for having chosen me and my family to be his own, and how God our Father through the Holy Spirit leads us down mysterious paths to do his will. Would you believe that this venture into blogging started ultimately 11 years ago, and was birthed 3 months ago while searching for a slick way to butcher chickens on the Internet....
There's that bewildered look I was talking about!!! More in the future.....
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